Pandora

A long time ago in the isles of Greece there was a girl named Pandora.

The gods, feeling that the world needed to be tested as they often do, and having grown tired of springing out from behind trees with a series of trivia questions or math problems gave to Pandora a box.

They told her not to open this box, that it contained within it all the sorrow and pain, death and horror that the wide world could offer. Gods were much like that chef who knows that while he was baking you cookies he dropped one on the floor and he just brushed it off and hands it to you anyway. This box was just like that cookie, the gods knew she would eat it and therefore ruin everything, and they would laugh because they are jerks.

Pandora accepted the box, and for many days it sat upon her table. Dust gathered upon it, and the sun rose and set as the days past in the usual way. Her curiosity burned within her and so she set one hand upon the box, and decided to take a peek inside.

The moment the box was opened, the very second that its lid cracked and light entered the darkness within it, she knew that she had done something so Bad it had to be capitalized.

The box spilled forth the woe and tragedy that it held, and forever hence man has known that Pandora is ultimately responsible for the existence of attorneys.

Pandora also found hope at the bottom of the box, but the attorneys sued it for slander and it was barred from sale or use in all countries.